We are a family made whole by adoption. We started doing foster care in 2020, it was something I have always felt the pull to do. I always joke that I forced Aaron to go along with it and it ended with completing our family. All jokes aside, I didn’t force him, we made all decisions together as partners.

Foster care was a long, bumpy road. We had the privilege of being a temporary shelter for several children over the last 4 years. We bonded, loved and cared for not only them but their bio families as well. It is not our place to judge others. It is our job as good humans to help those in their time of need. We strived our best to do just that. We formed lasting bonds with a few families, others we didn’t but we always tried to make sure everyone knew they were supported.

Our last foster placement came to us with parental rights already termed. His foster care journey ended with us and he is our son forever. Charlie is now 4.5yrs old. He may not look like us, he is biracial (Black and Caucasian) but he fits in our little family like he was meant to be there.

People tell me all the time that he is so lucky to have us. Nothing about this child’s beginning was lucky. Now, his story is his to tell, I hope one day he is able to share it. But he experienced more in his first almost 3 years than most people do in a lifetime. Heartache, pain, change after change after change. A lot of things he didn’t understand and things that were extra hard for him because Charlie also has Autism.

Sometimes we get stares and whispers when we walk places, like I said, Charlie doesn’t look like us and doesn’t always act like a typical 4yr old. It is disappointing for sure when strangers whisper as we walk by, but nothing is more disappointing than going to a family function and having that happen. Well, I guess the only thing more disappointing is when something is said directly to your face. Charlie was being introduced to a family member he hadn’t met yet. “This is my son, Charlie. Did you know we adopted this little guy?” My husband says with love and excitement in his voice. “Yeah…I heard” this family member said with hesitation. “That’s okay. It’s okay. Everyone needs parents I guess.” The family member added. I froze. I was so caught off guard I was frozen. I didn’t know what to say. Why should we know what to say? Why is it something that even matters? We have never been met with a comment like that. Looks and whispers I can handle…but saying that to our face and in front of our child?! Absolutely not. Not acceptable. Hate has zero room in our life. It should have zero room in anyone’s life.

I feel sorry for this person. He will never know the joy that is Charlie. He brightens a room when he walks in, he makes everything magic.

What does a parent say in that moment? How do you say something without starting a family riot? Or do you start the family riot?